How Does Lack of Self-Love Looks Like?

Self-love is so critical to your overall well-being because this is one of the basics for building the foundation of your well-being. Love leads to trust. Love leads to respect. Love leads to healthy boundaries. When it comes to having a healthy relationship with yourself, self-love has to be there.

But many times, that lack of self-love tends to wear a mask and we think we love ourselves but in reality we don’t. It is when we lack self-love that we find ourselves in situations where we not only question ourselves but we question whether or not we deserve certain things, we self-sabotage, and the list goes on.

So with this said, how does lack of self-love looks like? Lack of self-love looks like you coming up with excuses for why someone disrespects you. It masks itself in you blaming yourself all the time for everything that goes wrong. It looks like you abandoning certain aspects of you and so you seek elsewhere for what you think you need. Lack of self-love also reveals itself in the choices that you make. Lack of self-love wears many masks that it is not possible to discuss them all in one post but I will focus on the ones I just mentioned here.

I’m going to elaborate a little bit on each of these things. The first one which is you coming up with excuses for why someone disrespects you. First off, there are no excuses or reasons for someone to disrespect you, I don’t care what the other person claims their reasons are. Someone disrespecting you is a reflection of who they are and how they feel about themselves. You allowing the disrespect is a reflection of the way you feel about yourself. You allowing the disrespect means you don’t feel deserving of respect which means you don’t love yourself. Remember that love is respect.

The second mask that lack of self-love wears is you blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong. There is a big difference between taking responsibility for what happens in your life and blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong. One leads to greater well-being because it leads to growth and the other is just plain negative and only chips from your self-esteem. There is a negative energy to blaming because it is accusatory. It implies that you did something so wrong and only you did wrong. There is no learning from the experience with blame. Blame leads to shame. There is no love in shame.

The third mask is you abandoning certain aspects of yourself and searching elsewhere for what you think you need. First, the things that you actually need you won’t find it elsewhere. That is because it first resides within you. You abandoning certain aspects of yourself means you not tending to your own needs, you not paying attention to your emotions. It’s also you not filling yourself up with the love, care and attention you need. You first need you before anyone else needs you. No one else needs you more than you.

The fourth thing I mention is that lack of self-love reveals itself in the choices you make. You want to know if you truly love yourself? Just look at the choices you make on a daily basis. What are the choices you make when it comes to food? What are the choices you make when it comes to friends? What are the choices you make when it comes to companionship? What are the choices you make when it comes to your feelings? All these, if you take a close look, will reveal to you whether or not you truly love yourself.

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If you love the blog, you will most certainly love my latest book Creating a Lifetime of Wellness: Start Having the Life You Deserve where I discuss topics that highly impact your well-being that perhaps you may not be aware of. You can purchase your copy on Amazon or on Barnes and Noble

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at and you can listen to my online radio show at I now have a YouTube channel which I will ask that you subscribe for more tips to increase your well-being

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Choose People Willing to Do the Inner Work

In today’s post, I want to discuss the importance of choosing people willing to do the inner work.

Healthy relationships start with you. When I write the word “relationships”, I mean any close interaction you have with another human being so this includes friendships, family members, and romantic relationships. How and why does a healthy relationship start with you? Because first you have to be right with you. You have to love yourself. You have to love life. You have to see your own potential. You have to see your own beauty. You have to see your own value. You need to be willing to do your inner work. Once all this is in place, then you choose based on that.

So say for example, if you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself, without realizing it, you most likely will choose people that they are unhealthy themselves. A person with an unhealthy relationship with themselves won’t be able to choose people that are right for them either because deep down inside they don’t feel deserving of healthy love, etc. When you have a healthy relationship with yourself, you are quick to notice when something isn’t right for you and you let it go. This is why it is crucial that you are right with you first.

Just as it is important that you do your inner work, it is important that you choose people willing to do the inner work themselves. This is because people who are not right with themselves don’t have much to offer. We can only offer what we have. So someone who is afraid to make certain decisions and is afraid of happiness will only give fear to you. This means that if you try to engage in a relationship with them, they will confuse you to death because their actions will be that they will push you away or do something that turns you off, etc.

It is only when you are clear in who you are, what you want, on your value and what you deserve that you will get what you want and more. It is then when you can engage in healthy relationships with others, when you can feel great about your life, then attracting more great things into your life and have more to offer to others.

You can tell when someone is willing to do the inner work. How can you tell? Well, let me start off by stating the signs of someone not willing to do the inner work. The first sign is that they live in fear. They are afraid to be happy so they push people away. They have commitment issues that they are not willing to resolve. They are very judgmental of others for silly things. They always find fault in others. They choose to be in relationships or situations that don’t make them happy. They constantly talk about problems. You feel heaviness the moment you are with them. The list can go on. The point is that you end up wondering what happened, is there something wrong with you, your energy shifts for the worse and so on. None of this is good!

Doing the inner work requires one to be willing to look within themselves and work through any issues they may have. It requires one to challenge their limiting beliefs. It requires seeking help should one need help. It requires to notice the patterns in the choices one makes and then be willing to take responsibility for the role they played. Doing the inner work is not easy because of all the emotions that will resurface but it is necessary in order to uncover the things that are holding you back.

Be willing to choose people who are willing to do the inner work because doing so will lead to healthy relationships in which you yourself can blossom as a person. Because you deserve to be loved exactly for who you are; because you deserve to be fully happy; because you deserve a great life, you need to be the first one to be willing to do the inner work so you can then choose someone willing to do the same. You owe this to yourself.

If you love the blog, you will most certainly love my latest book Creating a Lifetime of Wellness: Start Having the Life You Deserve where I discuss topics that highly impact your well-being that perhaps you may not be aware of. You can purchase your copy on Amazon or on Barnes and Noble

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at and you can listen to my online radio show at

The Positive and Negative of Everything

I’ve been pondering and asking myself why for many great things there has to be a negative to it. I’m working out this morning and although I love to workout and I’m helping my health with that, my hair has to be a nice mess afterwards. It makes me feel as if I have to choose between my body or my hair. Same thing with other decisions that I have to make, there are positives and negatives to everything. It makes me wonder why this is and this is what today’s post will be about.

I think one of the best comparisons to describe how life functions is a battery- it has a positive and a negative side. The battery, in order to function the way it is supposed to, needs both sides. If both sides are positive or negative, it just can’t work right. For as much as we would like for life to just have the positive, it can’t function if there is no negative.

So what’s the purpose of having both in our life? They both help balance each other out. This goes with everything in life. You can’t understand what true happiness is unless you know what sadness is. You can’t fully comprehend what true abundance is until you experience lack. You don’t fully appreciate your body until you get sick. You don’t fully appreciate the role someone plays in your life until you miss them. Certain places have to have their own downside because otherwise if it were to suite everyone, there would be a problem whether that problem is a place being overpopulated or very stressful, etc. This is what having the good and the bad can do, it can balance things out.

Balance is what contributes to your well-being and this is key. You need both sides in order to balance out your life. It is through balance that things can work in harmony. Nature intended it to be that way.

Having the negative along with the positive can bring out the creative side in us. This is because the negative can make you look for solutions as to how to a handle a situation. For example, I have to be creative with my hair in order to make it look nice after I workout. Certain things force the creative side of you and that is great.

So, if nature intended it this way, how can one handle the positives and the negatives when making certain decisions? When it comes to making decisions, you have to see what weighs more for you. It’s a matter of knowing who you are and knowing what matters most to you.

When it comes to cases where the negatives of something highly impacts your well-being, if it’s a decision that you made to have that positive in your life but it comes at a high price, then you have to mold yourself to the negative. What I mean with this is to find a way to work around the negative. For instance, if it’s a job that affects your health due to odd hours of work, then create your life and make a schedule that can still fit your job. The point is that you want to work with what you have and make the most of it.

Life indeed is like a battery with its positive and negative sides and both are needed in order for things to work in harmony. Both sides are needed in order to have balance in life. I encourage you to start looking at everything from this perspective.

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How To Get Energy When You Feel Emotionally Exhausted

There are times in your life when you feel physically exhausted but not because you have worked too hard or because you haven’t slept well, but because perhaps you are going through some either inner conflict or you are going through a rough time in your life that is robbing your energy emotionally. I think this kind of exhaustion is one of the worst kinds because if you are not careful, you can slip down and maybe even fall into depression. When feeling this way, how can you find the energy to keep going?

First thing I believe is to acknowledge what you are feeling. I believe that denying what you are feeling is not helpful nor conducive to truly moving forward. By denying what you are feeling it’s like trying to make believe that the wound that you have isn’t even there yet it is bleeding and needs your attention.

Try to understand where this feeling is coming from. Ask yourself what can you learn from what you are feeling. I believe there is always something to learn from everything whether it is good or bad. Every experience is a chance to become a better person and understanding where your hurt is coming from can provide important insight to you that can open up the opportunity for healing. The way to heal something is by understanding what is causing the pain/hurt.

Take things day by day, minute by minute. Just try to take one step at a time, put one foot in front of the other.

As hard as it may be to find the positive in even the most negative moments of life, it is a must to find the positive in everything. What focusing on the negative does is that it magnifies the bad things which then affects your emotions which will then affect your energy levels. Think about this, anything you dread to do, anything you don’t feel excited about doing will deplete your energy. By focusing on the positive, you are shifting your mindset which will then shift your energy- energy that you need to keep going even when the going gets tough.

It would be wonderful if there was an easy answer, a magic pill that would give us all the emotional energy we need when the going gets tough. The truth is that there is no such thing but there is one person who has the capacity to give you that emotional energy you need and that is YOU. With your acceptance of your feelings, with your own compassion towards yourself, with you doing your best to heal your wounds and see the positive in everything, you have the power to get the emotional energy that you need. I’ve said and written over and over again, well-being is something to work on everyday. It is something that you cultivate, nurture and create. It is YOU who have this power.

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The Importance of Taking Breaks

Some may have probably realized that last week I didn’t post on my blog. That is because I was giving myself a break since I am also working on other projects. This little break that I took made me think about the importance of taking breaks and this is what I will be discussing in today’s post.

It’s great to have momentum. Momentum keeps things going, however, it seems like in today’s world we have become like the energizer bunny that just keeps going and going without stopping for a moment to reflect upon things and enjoy what we have at the present time. Being this way can make you numb in regards to your emotions and to yourself.

Taking breaks every now and then can help you reflect upon what you have accomplished and it can make you look within so that you can be in touch with yourself. It’s so important to be in touch with your emotions and with yourself because the more connected you are with yourself, the more authentically you can be and live. The problem with not being in touch with your emotions and yourself is that you become numb as to how you feel and you become less and less who you really are.

Taking breaks can allow you to re-energize yourself so that you can go back to what you were doing with more energy. When you just keep going and going, this can be very exhausting not just physically but also mentally and emotionally. Taking some time away from what you were doing can help you gain a much deeper appreciation for what you have and do. That distance away from something allows you to miss it and sometimes it’s good to miss certain things because it is in the missing it that you can appreciate it. When you are surrounded with the same thing over and over, you won’t be able to help but to take it for granted, this is why missing something can be healthy.

Taking breaks every now and then helps you to slow down and this helps your body to relax. When you are constantly on the go go go, this can stress the body and this activates the sympathetic system which is responsible for the fight-or-flight response. If this continues for long, this can cause serious damages to the body like for example, the liver produces more blood sugar, your heart beats faster and the blood pressure elevates, among other things that lead to chronic diseases. I’m pretty sure you don’t want any of this and so taking breaks every now and then can help your body to slow down.

It is my belief that taking breaks is not so much a luxury but a necessity. It helps with your mental and emotional sanity, it can help your body to slow down and it can help you reflect upon your life and where you are at the moment. Take some time every now and then to give yourself a break and remember the benefits of taking a break. This too can help you maintain balance in your well-being.

You can read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at and you can listen to my online radio show at

You Are Getting a Bargain But You Don’t Realize This Yet

It’s interesting that the post that is read the most is “Why Do Good People Get the Short End of the Stick” which I posted, I believe, a few months ago. It seems like people search using words like “sadness” and “life”. It is this that pushes me to write today’s post.

Life is not always fair, however, life is whatever you want to make out of it. However way you look at yourself and your relation to the world and others, that’s how your life will be. This is where your self-concept and your self-esteem plays a big role. Self-concept is how you perceive yourself, what you think about yourself where as self-esteem is the way you feel about yourself. These two, although they mean different things, they go hand in hand. One affects the other. I mention this because low self-esteem and a poor self-concept clouds you from seeing the good.

I personally don’t believe that good people get the short end of the stick. If you’re very sensitive and you only focus on what isn’t working and what went wrong, of course you’re going to feel like you are getting the short end of the stick. Believing that you are getting the short end of the stick places you in a victim state and this is equivalent to you being on the passenger seat of the car and allowing circumstances, people, emotions to be on the driver seat, determining what route you’re going to take and which way to turn. Being on the passenger seat of your life puts you in such disadvantage because just like the passenger in a car watches the scenery as they pass by, you are watching your life go by passively while wallowing in whatever didn’t work out.

I think it is important to be aware what role you are playing in your life. Even when something doesn’t work out, think about what your role was in everything. Take responsibility for your life. Rather than allowing yourself to just fall “victim” to things or rather than allowing yourself to get wrapped up in things that don’t serve you, you decide that you will have control of yourself. You may not be able to control everything outside of you but you do have control of yourself. You are the one in control of your decisions, you are the one in control of your thoughts, you are the one in control of your emotions. You have more control than you think you have. It’s time to stop thinking you are getting the short end of the stick and begin to believe you are getting a bargain when something isn’t working out. Believe that you are worthy enough of what you want and that things are working out even when they don’t seem to be working out. If you need to work on your self-concept and self-esteem then do so. In every situation that isn’t working out, even if it makes you sad, you are not getting the short end of the stick, you are getting a bargain but you don’t realize it yet.

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at and you can listen to my online radio show at

Look For Life’s Wink

I believe it was a couple of years ago that I had a conversation with a great friend of mine and in the middle of some chaos that was going on, I shared with her the fact that something interesting and cool happened and she responded “You see, that’s God’s wink for you”. Today I received a beautiful compliment from a colleague blogger and I couldn’t help but think “That’s God’s/Life’s wink for me”. Why am I sharing this? I’m sharing this because there are times when you may feel like things are not going the way you want- you don’t have the love of your life, you don’t have the job that you want, you’re not making as much money as you would like, you don’t feel satisfied with life and despite whatever it is that is going on in your life, you have to look for Life’s wink for you.

I say “Life’s wink” because I want to respect everyone’s belief about life and because this blog is not about religion, I say in this post “Life’s wink” but you can replace it with whatever you want whether it be God or the Universe. And why am I talking about this topic and how can this help you with your life? Like I’ve said before in other posts, it’s too easy to focus on the things that aren’t working in life, however, there are STILL things that are working for you whether you realize it or not. Life has a way of showing you that despite everything that is going on, there is always a wink for you telling you things are still alright.

You don’t have a companion and someone gives you a beautiful compliment, it may not be your companion saying that to you but that’s Life’s wink for you that you are still beautiful/handsome. You are starting your own business and you receive compliments from others, that’s Life’s wink that you are on the right track. You are in the middle of so much chaos in your life and suddenly something so odd happens that makes you smile, that’s Life’s wink for you to still keep on looking up and smiling. It’s important to watch out for those winks.

Those are the winks that can help restore those feelings of feeling lost, of sadness and of hopelessness. Being happy is healthy, this is important for your well-being and so watching out for those winks will create a mind shift that will help you look for the positive in things. Be open to those winks and embrace them when they arrive. These winks that you may get may not seem like a big deal but they are because they can be little messages of light for you. If you are open to receive them, they can start making a difference in your mental and emotional state, thus leading to you having the life that you want and deserve because part of well-being and having that happiness that you long for is being able to still see the good. When you see the good, you then will feel good. What you think is how you feel. Your body follows your emotions, your emotions follow your mind so how you think and the way you perceive things affect the way you will feel overall. So with this said, it is in your best interest to look for Life’s wink.

You can also read the blog on your Kindle by clicking on the Amazon Kindle store at and you can also listen to my online radio show at

I dedicate this post to Maria F. since it was her who said that lovely phrase of “God’s wink”. Thank you so much for helping me see those winks.

The Importance of Planning

Planning for some may seem like a chore. However, let me explain in today’s post the importance of planning. I will start first by defining the word planning. Planning is when you prepare for something ahead of time. Although planning for things may seem like a chore, this is crucial to your well-being as well as to having an organized, healthy life.

Although there are things you can never plan for, but for the things you can, do so. Planning serves as a way to structure yourself. When you plan your day ahead, you can get more done. One of the challenges for many is achieving certain goals, especially when they are many and this is why planning is very crucial. A very good example of how planning is very important is when you are trying to lose weight. If you don’t plan what you will eat ahead of time, having foods already ready and handy, if you don’t plan when you will workout, your chances of success decreases because there will be an excuse to eat junk food. When there is no planning, there will be an excuse not to workout. Planning is crucial for every element of your life, not just for weight loss. And let me emphasize that the more you want to accomplish, the more crucial it becomes to plan things out.

Planning serves as a way to set the tone for how things will go. I remember when I was on the journey of lose weight, I had what I called my “emergency snacks” and these were snacks that I had always handy with me in case I would get tempted to eat very sweet foods or junk foods. This helped me tremendously when it came to breaking the habit of eating foods that were not conducive to health. Even before the day started I was already feeling successful in my weight loss journey because of my planning. When it comes to work, planning can serve as a way for how your day will go because you will choose what you will do first and what needs more attention.

Planning serves as a way to visualize your day/event or whatever it is that you are planning. I remember back when I was losing weight, I would plan everything, from the food to situations that would arise that would be challenging and thought of ways of how I would deal with it, etc. When you plan, you also prepare for situations that may arise and you visualize or play in your mind how you will deal with the situation should it happen.

Planning is part of having a successful life in every sense of the word and what a successful life translates to is also to more well-being. Therefore, whenever you feel that planning is a chore, think of it as a weapon to use for your success. This is what is going to help you get from point A to point B. It doesn’t have to be a chore. Allow planning to be your ally in you being successful in life.

Your Mindset Is Everything!

I’m sharing this because I bet this happens to many people so I feel the need to share this. I found myself for a couple of days in a funk. Don’t ask me why. All I know is that I found myself feeling down and I was wondering why. Then I found myself feeling physically tired. Then I found myself thinking about “oh how I don’t have this yet”, “oh how this hasn’t happened yet”. I had to come to a point where I had to stop and ask myself why. Then I came to the conclusion that I always knew all along…your mindset is EVERYTHING!

Sure life will sometimes throw things along the way that are not pleasant. Sometimes the things that happen to you can be disappointing and can throw you off but at the end of the day, it is your mindset that truly determines your response and view of the situation. When you focus on what you don’t have or what hasn’t occurred yet, of course you are going to feel bad. And it will just keep going down hill from there. It is to your benefit to get out of that mental state as fast as you can.

Too much thinking and over analyzing what has happened, what didn’t happened, if something will happen, can get you into so much trouble mentally, emotionally and physically. I include the physical because the mind, body and soul are all connected. Although it may be normal to be concerned about certain things but too much worrying about things and being overly concern can get you into a train of thought that will take you to the city of destruction.

What does your mindset have to do with your well-being and with life in general? Everything! Without the proper mindset, you can’t move ahead in life the way you want to move ahead. Without the proper mindset, you can’t be armed with the proper tools to face an unpleasant situation or even a pleasant one for that matter. Without the right mindset, you can’t make the right decisions. You reflect who you are and what you think.

I would like to clarify that it is normal and only human to have your down days. We are after all emotional beings. The key is to not remain for so long in that funk that you are in and realize that your mindset is everything.

When you are in a funk, it is the perfect time to make a list of all the things that you have that are good in your life. Think about all the things you have for which to be grateful. It’s also very important to know that you still have so much good to look forward to. I think many of us forget that at times.

Your mindset is a critical element to your well-being and to having the life that you want. For this reason, it is important to check-in with yourself from time to time and know where you are mentally. And if you are in a funk, now is perfect time to think of all your blessings.

“Let Go Of What You Are Holding On To So You Can Make Room For What I truly Have For You”

Lately I have been feeling down over a situation I should have never allowed myself to be in. I was so angry at myself for making myself vulnerable unto a guy that didn’t even feel the same way I felt. I guess I was more angry at myself if anything. The point is I was hanging on to something that is not serving me and putting my energy where I didn’t need to place it. With this feeling I went to sleep and last night I had the strangest dream. It was me texting that guy and receiving a response I didn’t want to hear. Right as I’m reading the message, I heard a voice telling me “Let go of what doesn’t serve you! What may have felt good before may not necessarily feel good now and that’s when you have to let go! It doesn’t serve you anymore! Let go of what you are holding on to so that you can make room for what I truly have for you!”. That voice was so firm and the dream felt so real that I woke up. I had to look at my phone and I saw the time. It was 2: 45 am.

I woke up thinking “how true is that last statement”. I don’t know if it was God talking to me or my inner guide but how many of us hold on to things that once felt good or right but no longer serves us?! How many of us make the mistake of holding on to a relationship, a person, a situation, anything either because of fear or anger?! The sad part about this is that by doing this, WE stop ourselves from receiving the goods that are meant for us. By doing this, we are not making space for better things to come.

If you want anything in life but are holding on to something that no longer serves you, let it go! Truly, let go of that relationship that isn’t working, let go of that person that doesn’t reciprocate what you feel, let go of any resentment or anger you feel, let go of any jealousy or envy! Just let it go! By letting it go, the person you are setting free is yourself! Be holding on to things, there is no way you can make room for the new and better. It’s like a house, in order for you to make room for new things, you have to let go of the junk.

Letting go of what doesn’t serve you is so necessary for your well-being. Life is not meant to be a struggle and when something feels like a struggle, you truly need to reevaluate what is going on. The act of letting go may be painful at first but in the long run it is so freeing.