You Are NOT Damaged Goods So Don’t Treat Yourself Like So

This post I want to dedicate it to anyone who has been badly bruised by someone, who has “made” them feel inadequate, wrong, or anything that is negative. My purpose with today’s post is for you not to allow anything or anyone make you become damaged goods because once you allow this, this is like catching the flu, only that it can take a really long time to heal.

How can we become damaged goods unintentionally? We can become damaged goods when we allow other people’s issues to become our issues. We can become damaged goods when we give so much to the point that we have nothing left for ourselves. This last thing can make us feel unworthy when those actions, we perceive, are not reciprocated. We can become damaged goods when we don’t learn from our past relationships and experiences. We can become damaged goods when carry negative feelings because of a perceived rejection. One thing I must say that the universe has lovingly taught me is that rejection is not a rejection, it is protection.

Others may do things that we may not understand why they do them. First and foremost, that is not your problem and it is not for you to try to figure out why they did it in the first place. Yes, analysis of a situation is a must so that we can grow. However, investing your time trying to figure out why someone did something when you did nothing wrong to them will only create issues for you that you have no business having in the first place.

Almost 99% of the time what others say and do is a direct reflection of the way they feel and think about themselves. This is because we only offer what we have inside and because we are the ones responsible for the way we decide to perceive and react toward a situation. No one else is but us. This means that you are not responsible for the way someone decides to speak or behave, so then this can help alleviate some of the pressure of trying so hard to impress or please others. Now, I would like to clarify that this does NOT give you permission to speak or treat others in a disrespectful manner because they “are responsible for the way they react to a situation”. At all times we have to be mindful of our actions and have compassion and empathy for others.

When you have done nothing wrong to someone who has done you wrong, you can have the peace of mind that from your end you are good. You have no regrets, nothing to worry about in terms of you hurting others. Therefore, don’t carry that hurt and anger with you. Those negative feelings that you carry as a result of someone else’s actions is only hurting you, not the other person.

You deserve to be in peace with what you do in life. You deserve to feel free to be yourself. You deserve to carry only the responsibility of your actions and your life. You will feel all this if you liberate yourself from the feelings that other people’s actions have caused. Remember that people reflect who they are inside, how they think and feel about themselves and their life. It is not your responsibility to change others but it is your responsibility to change yourself for the better.

As you can read, becoming damaged goods can be quite easy but it is up to us not to become damaged goods. I would like to encourage you with today’s post that if you haven’t done so, work through any issues that a situation, a relationship or the past has created in you. You are NOT damaged goods nor should you allow anything to make you become a damaged good.

If you love the blog, you will most certainly love my latest book Creating a Lifetime of Wellness: Start Having the Life You Deserve where I discuss topics that highly impact your well-being that perhaps you may not be aware of. You can purchase your copy on Amazon or on Barnes and Noble

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The Power of Authenticity

I think we live in a world where we are too concerned with pleasing others, with what others are going to think and with not being rude to others all at the cost of our well-being. Now, I want to clarify that I am not advocating total selfishness nor disregard towards others. Not at all and there is a fine line which we must pay attention. I can discuss that fine line on another post. What I am referring to in this post is the kind of concern where other people’s thoughts and feelings of you are more important than what you truly feel. There is no power in this kind of concern and this is why I am advocating authenticity.

There is power in authenticity. Let me start by describing what authenticity means. Being authentic means being true, it is not false nor is it imitating. So with this said, for the purpose of this post, it means being true to who you are regardless of what others may think or feel. It means you are not trying to be like others just to please others. It means you are not doing something that goes against what you truly feel and think even if others may not understand it and may be offended by it. I will explain what I mean with the latter “…even if others…may be offended by it”. What I mean with that is that there will be times where you will have to say “no” to others, set boundaries because what that person is doing you are not appreciate of, etc. You should never do something that goes against what you feel and think just because you might offend someone. Your well-being, your happiness, your peace of mind and you feeling good with the decisions that you make should ALWAYS go before you worrying about what others may think or feel when you notice that it crosses the line of your well-being.

I have to warn you that authenticity comes with a price. Sometimes a high price but I believe it’s a price worth paying because there is nothing like being authentic. The price is that you will have those who will misunderstand you, those who will criticize you, those who won’t want your friendship perhaps because of who you are, those who will talk wrongly about you behind your back because of your way of being. However, I think it is worse to go to bed feeling so disappointed with yourself for going against your true nature, for trying to fit into something that is so different from you and for trying to fit in or please others. At the end of the day, the reality is that you go to sleep to yourself, you wake up to yourself and when it’s your time to go, you will be in that coffin by yourself so who cares what others think?! You are the only one living your life, no one else is doing it for you! I know this sounds so blunt and crude but let’s be real. It is what YOU think and feel about yourself that matters most.

The power of authenticity is that you start to attract more of the people that you need in your life, people who are similar to you and who adds to your well-being. You will feel good with yourself knowing that you are doing things that makes YOU happy, not anyone else. You push away people and circumstances that in the long run don’t belong in your life. Your life will start to align itself in ways you never thought possible and this is all thanks to the power of authenticity.

Authenticity….so critical to your overall well-being because it is awful to do things that go against what we feel and think, your self-esteem gets chipped away every time you try to fit into something that you’re not and there is no way that your life can be the way you want and need it to be when you’re not authentic. Make it your goal to always be authentic to you no matter what.

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Look For Life’s Wink

I believe it was a couple of years ago that I had a conversation with a great friend of mine and in the middle of some chaos that was going on, I shared with her the fact that something interesting and cool happened and she responded “You see, that’s God’s wink for you”. Today I received a beautiful compliment from a colleague blogger and I couldn’t help but think “That’s God’s/Life’s wink for me”. Why am I sharing this? I’m sharing this because there are times when you may feel like things are not going the way you want- you don’t have the love of your life, you don’t have the job that you want, you’re not making as much money as you would like, you don’t feel satisfied with life and despite whatever it is that is going on in your life, you have to look for Life’s wink for you.

I say “Life’s wink” because I want to respect everyone’s belief about life and because this blog is not about religion, I say in this post “Life’s wink” but you can replace it with whatever you want whether it be God or the Universe. And why am I talking about this topic and how can this help you with your life? Like I’ve said before in other posts, it’s too easy to focus on the things that aren’t working in life, however, there are STILL things that are working for you whether you realize it or not. Life has a way of showing you that despite everything that is going on, there is always a wink for you telling you things are still alright.

You don’t have a companion and someone gives you a beautiful compliment, it may not be your companion saying that to you but that’s Life’s wink for you that you are still beautiful/handsome. You are starting your own business and you receive compliments from others, that’s Life’s wink that you are on the right track. You are in the middle of so much chaos in your life and suddenly something so odd happens that makes you smile, that’s Life’s wink for you to still keep on looking up and smiling. It’s important to watch out for those winks.

Those are the winks that can help restore those feelings of feeling lost, of sadness and of hopelessness. Being happy is healthy, this is important for your well-being and so watching out for those winks will create a mind shift that will help you look for the positive in things. Be open to those winks and embrace them when they arrive. These winks that you may get may not seem like a big deal but they are because they can be little messages of light for you. If you are open to receive them, they can start making a difference in your mental and emotional state, thus leading to you having the life that you want and deserve because part of well-being and having that happiness that you long for is being able to still see the good. When you see the good, you then will feel good. What you think is how you feel. Your body follows your emotions, your emotions follow your mind so how you think and the way you perceive things affect the way you will feel overall. So with this said, it is in your best interest to look for Life’s wink.

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I dedicate this post to Maria F. since it was her who said that lovely phrase of “God’s wink”. Thank you so much for helping me see those winks.

The Value In Lacks

“Has Aura gone nuts in this post?!” “What in the world does “lacks” have to do with our well-being?!”, you’re probably wondering because of what this post is about. Continue reading and you will see how your “lacks” or your perceived lacks have to do with your well-being.

I believe that anything that has even a minor impact on your emotions, your thoughts, your physical being, your spiritual being, all has to do with well-being. I think most of us suffer because of what we either feel we lack or what we actually lack and that can be anything from lack of money, lack of companionship, lack of whatever it is that is hurting you. If you are not careful, this lack can take over you and hurt you in certain areas of your life, if not all of the areas of your life. How so, you may ask? The perfect example I can think of, and this is just one of many examples, is if you feel the lack of companionship. If this lack becomes too strong within you, you may find yourself settling for less than you deserve, in a relationship that you are not happy in, or, God forbid, even in an abusive relationship.

Our lacks or our perceived lacks, if we are not aware and careful, can get us into so much trouble, to the point of affecting our well-being. When all that we see in our life are lacks, we miss seeing all the other beautiful things that we have in our life. So what can you do with the lacks or perceived lacks that you have in your life? Well, you can start seeing the value in them. That’s right! Nothing needs to go to waste and that includes your lacks.

Your lacks are what can help you appreciate when that thing or situation or person that you want in your life arrives. It can help you have a sense of gratitude for things. So for example, if you feel a strong sense of lack of companionship, this can help you appreciate when you do meet someone who is right for you. If you lack money, this lack will help you gain an appreciation for when you do have money. Just like you need to know what sadness is so that you know what happiness truly means, lacks provide you with the opportunity to learn lessons so that you can learn to be grateful for those things when they do arrive in your life.

The next time you feel a lack or have a perceived lack, (I say “perceived lack” because there are times that the lack one may feel is one that they may perceive it that way because they are not seeing it any other way), try looking at that lack from a different angle and find out what you can learn from it. Remember that your mind and your view on things has a great impact on your overall well-being.

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“Why Do Good People Get The Short End of The Stick?”

I had a very interesting conversation with someone some days ago in which that person asked me “why do good people get the short end of the stick?” Now, when people ask this and I know this because I have asked myself this question before, this question stems from some sort of hurt that the person may feel. Perhaps that person gave their all to someone they love and was hurt and disappointed by them. Perhaps that person lost their job that they love in an unfair manner or they didn’t get the promotion that they felt they deserved or perhaps they feel that life hit them so hard. If you have ever asked yourself this question before or you ask yourself this now, whatever it is that happened that got you asking this question just remember this because it is true- great things happen to good people. Great things don’t happen to bad people the way some may think. It just appears this way because of one simple fact, one big element that marks the difference between the “good” people and the “bad” people and it is the sentiment or sensitivity of the person and their perception.

Usually “good” people are more sensitive and so when they get hurt, it really hurts them and they tend to be more giving. The reason why I write the word “good” in quotation marks is because people may have their own definition of what good means and I respect that. So I leave it up to you to determine what “good” people means. Back to what I was saying before, if you are very sensitive, you may intensify that hurt and when you do, all you can see is hurt and disappointment so it will, indeed, feel like you get the short end of the stick. If instead you look at your hurt as a lesson and part of your growth, it won’t hurt as much and you certainly won’t feel like you get the short end of the stick.

I would like to clarify that I am not saying to brush off your hurt and act like what bothers you doesn’t bother you. No! Not at all! I am all for feeling, accepting and embracing your emotions but you can’t stay with that negative emotion for long. Learn from your emotion. Try to understand your emotion. Your emotions are a part of you but that negative emotion doesn’t have to own you! When you remain with that negative emotion, that will put you in a state of self pity, hopelessness and so on, leading you to question “why good people get the short end of the stick?”.

That very question should be re-framed into another question because if not, that question which comes from a place of hurt, can hurt your well-being and your life in general. This hurts your well-being by putting you in a pitiful state which blocks any good from coming to you. This places you in a victim state which doesn’t allow you to take ownership of what happens and strips your power over your perception and feelings.

Next time you feel tempted to ask this question, rephrase it by asking yourself what is your role in the situation and what could you have done differently. These rephrased questions will help you get the lessons behind what just happened so that whatever it is that just happened won’t necessarily happen again.

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