How to Deal With Grief Without Letting It Consume You

Yesterday I was asked the question how do I manage to still do all the things that I am doing when my dad’s passing is so recent. It is this question that inspires me to write this post.

When one is grieving, it is easy to let yourself go, to not do much, to not care for yourself, to cry all the time and think about all the times spent with the person that passed. It is only normal to feel all this and this feeling is more intense depending on how close you were with the person as well as how long have you known that person. Know that it is important to grieve because repressing this emotion just makes your process long and hard, perhaps even harder than it already is. There is no easy way to handle grief but I can share with you what I think about it and how I handle it.

It’s important to know that the person that passed is always with you, it’s just that they are now with you in a different form. Unfortunately, death is a normal process of life and accepting this is important. Even though I can’t see my father physically, I can still feel him and this in itself provides for me a certain comfort.

In order to handle grief in a way that doesn’t consume your everyday life, it is necessary to give yourself space to feel the grief. You do this by giving yourself what I like to call some “sad time”. What this means is that you give yourself space to feel your emotions, to cry if you have to and you feel this way for a certain amount of time. Once that time is up, you wipe your tears and move on with the day. I do this because it helps me feel better, that way I don’t keep in the sadness of my dad’s passing to myself. This also allows me to be present for work since I am not carrying with me that hurt to work. This is what giving yourself some “sad time” can do. When you deprive yourself of this, you bottle up what you feel and it is only a matter of time for it to spill over to other areas of your life. Also, by not putting a times up on your “sad time”, you allow that sadness to take momentum which then ruins your day. How does it ruin your day? Well, sadness paralyzes you. Sadness makes you lose your center and when that happens, you can’t think with clarity, you can’t make the right choices, etc. This is not what you want. Despite the sadness, it’s important to take control of your emotions. Give your emotions some space but not for too long.

I remember the promise that I made my dad and he asked me not to cry so much for him. I can understand why he said this to me and that’s because he wants his kids and wife to be strong. Sadness, when it is prolonged for too long, weakens you in every way. What keeps a household strong is the strength and I know that just like him, if I ever have kids of my own, I want to encourage my kids to be strong themselves long after I’m gone and I too would encourage them not to cry so much for me.

I know I honor my dad with my strength and courage to move on. I honor him by being the best version of me that I can be because I am an extension of him on this earth. You honor those who pass by your strength and courage to move on and being the best you that you can be. If it’s one of your parents that passed, you are an extension of them on this earth. Be the best extension of them. Make them proud of you. Honor the dreams that you told them you have for yourself. It is this knowing that I am an extension of him that gives me the courage to move on.

There is no easy way to handle grief and there are several stages of grief that unfortunately one must go through the stages. But just know that you honor that person with your strength and courage. Know that they want you to be strong. Know that they want you to be happy. Of course you will miss them, of course you will want to cry because you wish you had them one more time but know that they are always with you even in spirit.

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5 thoughts on “How to Deal With Grief Without Letting It Consume You

  1. Aura, you always have that certain way to get your beautiful point across to another. I lost two young sons and the second one Ian was in the hospital for 9 months and died on mothers day the year he died. When i thought about his struggle to survive I found the love i felt from him each day made me stronger…I was before his birth the strong silent type, my wife said her friend and co-workers said He does not say much but when he does its meaningful. I never talked a lot until my blessing came from Ian’s life. While he was in the neo-natal unit, he was always doing much better than the other 32 babies there. Families were breaking up, and did not know which way to turn. I begin to share with them, come to know them as fellow sisters and brothers, and I became different my wife said. Now she says I cannot stop talking. But in a wonderful and measured way. Before Ian passed my wife said she was praying to God, and she heard Him say to her Ian was going to die. And it came to pass a month latter. As I held him in my arms I spoke to God and he spoke to my spirit and say the length of a persons life is not promise it and do not be sad, Ian touched many in the neo-natal unit because of his strength…and he was there to be a blessing to you. I cried but, i also still embrace the words of the Lord, what we do in life changes lives when we share, and I became that way in all I did doing my job as a mortgage and finance manager. I always sought to make life better for all whom I would meet everyday and every place and in every situation wheter on the street, in the stores or the office. Your father blessed you with his love, and that continues to blossom as you share with others. Mine did also, and I know that what you spoke about above is very, very true. And when I dream of Ian I wake up in smiles every day. He is the love blessing I received from God. Here is a poem of course , you know me my sister. But it reminds me to remain happy when thinking about those in my life who have passed on, and I feel the blessing of their spirits always

    “A Touch”

    Wake up in smiles
    Because you are alive
    As God permits you
    To see another day

    And welcome the sun
    Into your life
    As it brings a special
    Peace that stays

    Greet all that you meet
    With a pleasant hello
    And you will find that
    Today you are blessed

    As you see each one
    That you did meet
    Become alive with the
    Touch of God’s eternal

    Have a beautiful day my sister!

    • I first want to thank you for sharing all this with me! I feel honored when someone feel they can share personal moments of their life. I can only imagine the pain of losing a child because I was very protective of my dad when he was at the hospital so I can’t even imagine how I would feel if it were a son or daughter of mine. Indeed it is God who gives us strength. It is God who helps us move on from challenges in life. It is God who gives us not only the strength but the wisdom to be better than we were in honor of those we love. It is God our true provider. There are times that I cry, there are times I can’t believe my dad isn’t here but when I do pursue what I told him I would pursue and when I remember how much faith he had in me and my intelligence, I know that the best way to honor him is through my actions. You certainly honor your sons with all that you do and your beautiful words that you share with others. That’s because we are always an extension of someone else and in these cases, our family.

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