How to Deal With Grief Without Letting It Consume You

Yesterday I was asked the question how do I manage to still do all the things that I am doing when my dad’s passing is so recent. It is this question that inspires me to write this post.

When one is grieving, it is easy to let yourself go, to not do much, to not care for yourself, to cry all the time and think about all the times spent with the person that passed. It is only normal to feel all this and this feeling is more intense depending on how close you were with the person as well as how long have you known that person. Know that it is important to grieve because repressing this emotion just makes your process long and hard, perhaps even harder than it already is. There is no easy way to handle grief but I can share with you what I think about it and how I handle it.

It’s important to know that the person that passed is always with you, it’s just that they are now with you in a different form. Unfortunately, death is a normal process of life and accepting this is important. Even though I can’t see my father physically, I can still feel him and this in itself provides for me a certain comfort.

In order to handle grief in a way that doesn’t consume your everyday life, it is necessary to give yourself space to feel the grief. You do this by giving yourself what I like to call some “sad time”. What this means is that you give yourself space to feel your emotions, to cry if you have to and you feel this way for a certain amount of time. Once that time is up, you wipe your tears and move on with the day. I do this because it helps me feel better, that way I don’t keep in the sadness of my dad’s passing to myself. This also allows me to be present for work since I am not carrying with me that hurt to work. This is what giving yourself some “sad time” can do. When you deprive yourself of this, you bottle up what you feel and it is only a matter of time for it to spill over to other areas of your life. Also, by not putting a times up on your “sad time”, you allow that sadness to take momentum which then ruins your day. How does it ruin your day? Well, sadness paralyzes you. Sadness makes you lose your center and when that happens, you can’t think with clarity, you can’t make the right choices, etc. This is not what you want. Despite the sadness, it’s important to take control of your emotions. Give your emotions some space but not for too long.

I remember the promise that I made my dad and he asked me not to cry so much for him. I can understand why he said this to me and that’s because he wants his kids and wife to be strong. Sadness, when it is prolonged for too long, weakens you in every way. What keeps a household strong is the strength and I know that just like him, if I ever have kids of my own, I want to encourage my kids to be strong themselves long after I’m gone and I too would encourage them not to cry so much for me.

I know I honor my dad with my strength and courage to move on. I honor him by being the best version of me that I can be because I am an extension of him on this earth. You honor those who pass by your strength and courage to move on and being the best you that you can be. If it’s one of your parents that passed, you are an extension of them on this earth. Be the best extension of them. Make them proud of you. Honor the dreams that you told them you have for yourself. It is this knowing that I am an extension of him that gives me the courage to move on.

There is no easy way to handle grief and there are several stages of grief that unfortunately one must go through the stages. But just know that you honor that person with your strength and courage. Know that they want you to be strong. Know that they want you to be happy. Of course you will miss them, of course you will want to cry because you wish you had them one more time but know that they are always with you even in spirit.

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Aclaración sobre la ignorancia y el tipo de ignorancia que no es buena

Quizás usted piensa que escribo títulos estraños en este blog. Quizás este es uno de los más extraños porque uno a lo mejor no pensaría que la ignorancia tiene mucho con ver con nuestro bienestar pero sí que tiene mucho con ver con nuestro bienestar.

Quisiera comenzar por aclarar lo que significa la ignorancia. Muchos asocian la palabra “ignorancia” con algo negativo y esto no tiene que ser algo negativo. La ignorancia es la falta de conocimiento de algo o no estar al pendiente de algo. Con esto dicho, hasta cierto punto todos nosotros somos ignorante porque nosotros no lo sabemos todo. Hay tanto en el mundo, tanto que aprender, muchas teorías  que es imposible saberlo todo y no hay nada de malo con esto. Lo que no está bien, almenos para mí, es el tipo de ignorancia que es por elección.

Ya que nosotros no lo sabemos todo, todos nosotros somos ignorante hasta un cierto punto. Sólo quisiera aclarar y poner énfasis que el ser ignorante no es algo negativo. Sólo es lo que es. Cuando usted se dé cuenta de que es ignorante de algo, esté agradecido por este conocimiento y ábrese al aprendizaje. Es por esto que es importante el tener la mentalidad de un estudiante porque cuando usted tiene esta mentalidad, usted siempre va a crecer en cada manera.

La ignorancia mala y el tipo que no debería de tener es la ignorancia por elección. ¿Qué quiere decir esto? Esto quiere decir que usted sabe que es ignorante de un tema y decide no aprender sobre él. La razón por la cual esta es una mala ignorancia es porque lo que usted no sabe lo puede perjudicar o matar. Mata su posibilidad de disfrutar de buena salud, una buena vida y de ser lo mejor de usted. ¿Cómo así? Voy a escribir un ejemplo para explicar lo que quiero decir. Si usted sabe que tiene una condición médica pero decide no aprender y entender la condición médica que tiene al igual que cómo cuidar de su cuerpo en esa condición, usted está matando sus posibilidades de vivir una vida buena aún con su condición. La ignorancia por elección lo perjudica también. Le perjudica las posibilidades de tomar las decisiones correctas, perjudica su poder, lo perjudica en todo.

La ignorancia…es un tema que algunos quizás no estarían de acuerdo conmigo que es bueno saber lo más posible porque a veces entre más usted sabe, más disgustado usted puede estar con ciertas cosas por ese nivel de entendimiento que usted tiene. Pienso que entre más sabe, mejores decisiones puede tomar en cuanto a todo y eso es bueno. Tenga la meta de tomar ventaja de los recursos que usted tiene de saber lo más que usted pueda para mejorar su vida.

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